“Mummy”, Weyinmi said slowly, “Tamuno and I have decided to get married”. It was obvious from the look in her eyes and the smile beaming on her face that Weyinmi was overwhelmed with joy.
The dead silence that followed made Weyinmi feel as though her mother hadn’t heard her. Just as she was about to repeat herself, her mother lifted her head, looked directly at her, and snapped angrily, “Don’t ever mention this nonsense to your father! You know very well that your father and I have been looking forward to the day you get married. Yet here you are, storming in with this disappointing news. Do you expect me to be happy?” Without waiting for a response, her mother continued, this time in a higher and more agitated tone. “Do you really expect me to be happy, you ungrateful child?”
“But mummy”, Weyinmi said softly. “This isn’t something I am foolishly jumping into. I have prayed about this”, Weyinmi was quick to explain. “Please, mummy”, tears began to form in her eyes, her initial excitement gone. “Please, mummy, try and understand. I love Tamuno. I can’t imagine myself married to anyone else”.
“Love, indeed!” her mom remarked sarcastically. “What do you know about love, ORITSEWEYINMI?” she shouted, using her full name. “Listen to me and listen well. I don’t want to hear about this again. Do you understand me?” By this point, Weyinmi was in tears. “There isn’t going to be any marriage like that in this house, so go and tell your Tamune, or whatever you call him, to erase any ideas he has about marrying you.” Her mom then eyed her from head to toe, hissed, and walked away, muttering some things under her breath. The only word Weyinmi could make out from her mother’s grumbling was “nonsense!”
How could I have been so naïve? Weyinmi wondered as she wiped away the tears streaming down her cheeks. How could I have ever imagined that my mom would approve of my marrying Tamuno? Believing that her wedding plans would go smoothly felt as unlikely as expecting it to snow in Nigeria. It seemed more likely to snow in Nigeria than for her parents to ever get along with the Ijaws. Over the years, her parents had attempted to explain the reasons behind their dislike for the Ijaws, but to Weyinmi, it all felt like nothing more than H-I-S-T-O-R-Y—a relic from the past with no relevance to the present or to her love for Tamuno.
Weyinmi didn’t have all the facts and figures at her fingertips, but she understood that the deep-seated anger her parents held towards the Ijaws was related to a traumatic event from their past. Seventeen years ago, their ceramics factory in Warri had been destroyed by Ijaw militants. Was she wrong to think that, after such a long time, her parents should have moved on? It seemed that for them, the incident felt as fresh as if it had happened yesterday. No, they hadn’t forgotten. They remained very bitter.
Their anger wasn’t solely directed at the militants; it was also aimed at the Benatus. Weyinmi had heard that Mr. Benatu was her father’s oldest and closest friend. After the factory was burned down, the Benatus made several statements to both her parents and others, which her parents found quite distasteful. To them, these remarks appeared to endorse the militants’ actions, leaving a deep wound that her father hadn’t healed from.
Since that day, mentioning the Benatus had become taboo in her family, and her parents had cultivated a strong disapproval of all Ijaws.
Feeling greatly discouraged and disappointed after her conversation with her mom, Weyinmi tried to call Tamuno. She desperately needed to talk to him about her mother’s disheartening reaction. She was certain he would have a solution. However, Tamuno was even more unsettled than Weyinmi. All he could suggest was, “Let’s give them some time; I’m sure your parents will come around.”
But Weyinmi’s parents did not come around. They did not change their minds. To make matters worse, Weyinmi’s father threatened to disown her if she went ahead with the marriage. Torn between her parents’ love and the relationship she cherished most, Weyinmi found herself in a dilemma. She stood at a crossroads, and no matter which direction she chose, true happiness seemed out of reach. With each passing day, she felt herself drifting further away from the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. A formidable wall stood between Weyinmi and her happiness and love. It wasn’t a physical wall that could be seen or touched; it was a wall built in the mind, a wall of ethnic prejudice.
It’s just a story, but most of us—if not all—share something in common with Weyinmi and Tamuno’s parents. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all hold biased and unfair reservations about people from other tribes. Perhaps, like Weyinmi’s parents, you have experienced loss or harm from someone of another tribe, which makes the mere mention of that tribe irritable for you. While we can interact with people from other tribes in casual settings—like talking, attending church together, or being colleagues—those interactions often have limits. For many, anything beyond that feels risky. You might hear some ladies say, “Oh no, I can never marry a Benin man.” Similarly, some parents might declare, “God forbid my child marry a Hausa person.” Or you could hear remarks like, “The last person in this world I will ever do business with is an Igbo man.”
Tribalism, characterized by strong negative feelings toward those outside one’s own group, is not a new phenomenon. During Jesus’ time on earth, He confronted the issue of tribalism, particularly the intense hostility that existed between the Jews and the Samaritans (John 4:9). The animosity was so fierce that when Jesus and His disciples were on their way to Jerusalem, the Samaritans openly opposed them. In response, His disciples wanted to call down fire from heaven to punish the Samaritans, but Jesus rebuked them (Luke 9:51-56). For Jesus, this was not the attitude we should have towards people from different backgrounds.
To put His teachings into practice, He subsequently encountered a Samaritan woman at a well. Despite her background, Jesus had no reservations and openly expressed God’s love to her (John 4:1-26).
I was deeply moved when I came to understand the parable of the Good Samaritan. In this story, the person who helped the man attacked by robbers was not from his own tribe or even among those who professed to be Christians, but rather from a despised group—the Samaritans. This Samaritan is the individual whom Jesus approved and commended. He exemplified the idea that true Christianity transcends national and ethnic boundaries (Luke 10:30-37).
Are there any tribal barriers in your mind that need to be dismantled? Regardless of our differences or the painful experiences we’ve endured at the hands of others from different tribes, or the negative stories we’ve heard over the years, God calls us to love, respect, tolerate, and accept everyone, regardless of race or tribe. Remember, God was angered with Aaron and Miriam for criticizing Moses for marrying an Ethiopian woman (Numbers 12:1).
In Galatians 3:28, we learn that there is no justification for tribalism: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Furthermore, Revelation 7:9 gives us a vision of heaven: a place filled with people from every nation, tribe, and language living and coexisting together for eternity. If we struggle now to relate to people from tribes different from our own, then how on earth do we want to spend eternity in a place with no ethnic boundaries or border lines dividing people from different tribes?
Photo credit: creationswap
2 comments
Nice one
Thanks. I’m smiling.